To sleep or not sleep

It is 4:30am and I should be sleeping, ughhh. We have my husbands company picnic tomorrow/today at a water park and I so do not want to go. When he first brought it up I said fine since I know he and the kids like the water slides and stuff, and I thought it would be okay too. But for some reason I am having anxiety over it. It is strange I always have a need to be around people but large crowds of strangers freak me out, I would rather be with a smaller group of people that I know. I realized the last time we had gone out to a bar that the large groups get to me, of course if I get drunk I don't care as much, but today isn't a drinking day it is a family day. So I am not sure if my not sleeping is because of anxiety or just because I have been staying up till three in the morning almost every night and sleeping till ten or eleven in the morning. Regardless I should be tired by now.

Not much else new going on here. Worked my last day(again) Thursday night. The owner called me to thank me for covering and being on call and said he really truly appreciated it and wanted to make sure he personally called me to say so. I thought that was nice of him especially since my brother never said it to me. I have a feeling I may be called again in a month or two as my brother has put in his notice. He is going to be a 'wise man' lol...working for the wise potato chip company as a distributor. Not sure what all is going to happen at the pizza place, maybe the owner will sell or maybe my sister will manage it, I really don't care but I know I know if the owner calls me to work I will probably say okay. Maybe I like to torture myself.lol

Give me strength

I am such a sucker when it comes to family. I just can't seem to say no. I think I am afraid of them getting mad at me or being dissapointed in me. Why can't I just be an asshole and tell them I don't care. It is not my fault they are in the situation they are in. I did not cause it. Yet I feel obligated to fix it or at least try........
Why can't they just let me live in my own little world secluded from everyone and everything. I don't like reality and it is so much easier not dealing with it. Well the basics I am good with but anything that has drama or involves serious thinking or stress, I just don't want to be there right now. Right now I just want to sleep.........

Losing Grip

I don't understand how I can be up and motivated for a week or two and then down for months. I get in my head what I want and what I need to do then my mood swings and I just don't give a shit anymore what happens.