I did the strangest thing

Last night I went out with a friend of mine and we went and a few drinks. He just broke up with his fiance and was a little bummed but wanted to buy me a drink for my birthday. Well after I had a few drinks and he was beyond trashed he asked me to go do something with him, no not that, give me a little credit, he said I had to trust him, it is something he does and did while growing up. So I said sure why not as long as it doesn't involve standing on a bridge. So he proceeds to tell me that we are going to the train tracks and stand next to the moving train. My first thought was shit the dude is it that bad he is going to jump in front of a train, but he promised that was not the case and he would never do that to me or anyone else for that matter. So we went and we were standing in the middle of one of the tracks to see if the train was on that one or the one next to it. It was on the one we were standing on so we stepped off and we stood next to the tracks while this train was whizzing by. It literally took your breath away. If you stretched your hand out you would lose it that is how close we were. It was creepy and exhilarating all at the same time. I wish I could really describe it better. So we stuck around for a bit longer waiting for the next train, he said let's stand in the middle of the opposite tracks for this one, I decided that we should stand in between the two sets of tracks instead. That was even more creepy...Now this might not seem like much to anyone or maybe you have done it before, but it was exciting to me. I am afraid of so many things, I don't even like amusement park rides because they freak me out. I figured this would be different because i was just standing there and wouldn't get sick from moving like the rides. Boy you were moving though, I felt like if I had let go of my friend I would have blown away with the wind.
All this leaves me thinking about that life thing again, how I get bored so easily. I just don't take risks so of course I am bored. then I was thinking of why and I realize that I don't want to take risks alone, I want someone there with me to push me along when I need it and to pick me up when I fall. I want someone to stand next to me while the train is whizzing by. Would Kirk do it? As far as the train itself I think he would shrug his shoulders at me and tell me I was nuts and then get mad at me for even thinking of letting alone doing it. He is the same with normal things in life, he doesn't back me up or pick me up when I need it. When I ask him too he will but not for long nor the extent that I need him too. He has never backed me up with any of my crazy ideas, though he thinks he does because he lets me do it. How do I get him to realize that it is more than that. By him 'letting me' isn't that a father thing, control thing, I let you go on that trip even though I thought it was a bad idea. I have a father I don't need another one. I want him to take chances with me, I know until we do we are going to be stuck right here where we are at forever, we are going to be poor, living in a place we hate and doing nothing, though he might not be miserable just sitting and doing nothing I am....I want out of this state and I want to be successful with something in my life. The something I still need to figure out. All I know at the moment is I am tired of just sitting around and doing nothing...
So now back to my friend i am extremely worried about him, he finally found true love, dude is forty and basically a player, but he found her and he messed up because he didn't know what to do with these new found feelings. They basically split so he went to his crazy ex-girlfriend for a shoulder and a friend(he has a bad habit of staying friends with his ex's).Well his crazy ex took that as a sign of they will get back together so she is now basically stalking him. While he and I were hanging out she showed up and thought we were an item, she obviously didn't remember meeting me and my family at my brothers wedding, so I reminded her of that. But she didn't care she assumed he was seeing me so she flipped out on him. I have never seen this man so angry he told her to leave his house like twenty times or he would remove her and she said no. So he did that, he moved her out(now mind you he is not a violent man towards women, at least not in the thirty years I have known him for), and then she was ringing the door bell and banging on the door, he has neighbors upstairs and it was the middle of the night since we closed the bar. He was so upset I was afraid he was going to hurt her so I stepped in and asked her to leave and she tried pushing me out of her way. I almost had my very first real fist fight, over a guy and it wasn't even a guy I was involved with.lol So while I was holding her back he left out the back door and took off in his car. I let go of her and said well see ya have a nice life and went home. Called him because he shouldn't have been driving he was beyond drunk. He apologized for flipping out, and apologized for her behavior and said happy birthday again. I tried to call him today and couldn't get a hold of him so I am worried, worried that his crazy ex was still there when he got back and worried that he was drunk and did something stupid...Is he in jail? Did he decide to go back to the trains, shoot he was drunk, depressed and pissed off.
Not much more to say to that since I haven't heard from him.
So for my birthday this year I got a burnt dinner from my husband but so glad he was thoughtful and tried, means so much to me that he did that. Then I got have a few drinks have a train arms length away whizzing by me and meet a psycho ex-girlfriend and realize I am so glad I was never like that. But then I guess you would have to be crazy in love to get that way and that I have never truly experienced and never will.....