Yet again....Life

Life happens. Sometimes you can sit back and watch and other times you have to get up off your ass and just move forward. For the longest time I have been one to just sit back and watch, wait and see what happens. Then I got bored with that so I went searching for something better, that something better didn't last long nor did I think it would. So I made my current life better at least for a little while. The current is slowly, yet quickly, becoming the old again and I am lost at what to do with that. Sometimes I am happy with what I got but other times I just want to see what is on the other side. I don't mean a taste of it, I already tried that, I mean full blown go for it and be there. But how do you do that, how do you give up or change something that has been a part of you for over your half your life. How do you explain that you have no real reason to change it other than you just want something different. What if you do go for that change and the something else is not better? It is too late to go back to what you had and you are left with nothing and always searching for what you had. Then I think what if you don't go in search for that something different you are left wondering if it would be better and that you are just sitting back and watching your life pass you by. How do you do both? How do you keep what you have and see if something out there is better? I already know the answer to that, you can't. You can't have both. You have to choose and you have to live with that choice.

Now to figure out when these feelings came about. Did they just happen overnight, well last year or so, or have they been growing for years and years? I don't know the answer to that one yet, but I do know that sitting at home and not being in the real world makes you think that there is nothing else out there for you and then being thrown into society again makes you realize that there is something out there. At the same time you wonder if you really fit in that society. Maybe you should just stay put and learn to make the best of what you have.